The Connected Mom

Becky Harling (00:04.843)
All right, ladies, we're recording. Welcome to the Connected Mom Podcast where we have real conversations, helping you to connect more deeply with God, more empathically with your fellow moms, and more intentionally with your child. I am Becky Harling and I have with me today, my amazing co-host, Sarah Wildman. Hey, Sarah.

Sarah Wildman (00:28.674)
Hi, Becky. It's wonderful to be with everyone today. I love all the topics that we talk about because as a mom of a seven and a nine-year-old, there hasn't been one yet that didn't apply to me. So I know there are a lot of other mamas out there that feel the same. And you know, this might sound a little negative, Becky, but I feel like all of us mamas, no matter what ages we have, no matter what the family dynamic is, we can all kind of resonate with that feeling of.

weariness, right? Just trying to get all the things done, be all the things to all the people, love our kids the way we want to, our husbands, our families. So I'm excited that we can take a minute today and talk about the opposite of weary, which is strength. So I'm totally excited about our guest. We had her on in season one and legitimately she was one of our favorite guests. So we're so excited to have her back.

Becky Harling (01:23.619)
Yeah, that's absolutely right. I mean, we all need strength in our seasons of motherhood, no matter whether you're just starting out or if you're a grandmother, because there's all the things in life that can sometimes make us weary. And so our guest today is Julie Lavender. And as Sarah said, she was one of our absolute favorites in season one. So we just really had to have her back. And she has a new book out called Strength for All Seasons.

Sarah Wildman (01:30.243)
Yes.

Becky Harling (01:53.511)
Julie is the author of 10 different books. She's been a recent guest on Focus on the Family broadcast. She's a journalist and author, a former homeschooling mom. No wonder you were weary. She's married to her high school and college sweetheart. Julie and David are the parents of four, the in-laws of two, and the grandparents of one.

Sarah Wildman (02:09.267)
I'm out.

Becky Harling (02:22.507)
And Julie is just a whole lot of fun. Welcome Julie. We're excited to have you here.

Sarah Wildman (02:22.762)
Yay.

Julie Lavender (02:28.759)
Thank you so much and y'all are so sweet. My goodness, my head has swelled. It's a good thing I'm in a really big room because y'all are just amazing. So thank you for those kind words. I'm so happy to be here this morning.

Becky Harling (02:38.679)
Well, I love your heart for kids, you know, and for mamas. And so give us the backstory on this new book, Strength for All Seasons. What made you write it?

Julie Lavender (02:51.279)
Well, you know, this was a really, really fun book to do. And what made me write it was the publisher asked for it. So this was another of my work for hire publications. And if for non-writers, that means the publisher came up with the idea and gave me the specs and the, you know how long they wanted it to be, how many words, et cetera, et cetera. But then I was free to run with it after that. They had the general idea that moms are weary and that we need

to rely on God's strength. And so they gave me some parameters and I just ran with it and had a blast. And it helped me so much. It just brought back to mind other times in my other seasons in my life when I needed God's strength and I loved doing it.

Becky Harling (03:36.691)
Hmm.

Sarah Wildman (03:37.83)
That is awesome. And I think they picked the right person to have write that book, Julie. So great job on that. I'm excited to pick it up. So I'll be honest, in my career, I work in advertising and burnout is a common phrase that's used in a lot of careers, right? But I really haven't heard it used with moms, mainly because you can't really...

Julie Lavender (03:43.459)
Thank you.

Becky Harling (03:43.803)
Mm-hmm.

Sarah Wildman (04:01.682)
leave. Like, it's not like a job where you're like, I'm burned out. I'm going out. So, so talk about mom burnout. I mean, what does that mean? Yeah, I'm like, that's my number one and I can't get out.

Julie Lavender (04:05.728)
Is

Julie Lavender (04:10.179)
It's kind of hard to change that profession, you know? We could, we could.

Becky Harling (04:13.052)
Yeah

Julie Lavender (04:16.287)
Well, it's funny that you say that because, and I've shared this, I think, in another podcast, but, oh, I don't remember how many years ago. So my youngest is like 25 now, and I think she was eight or 10, I can't remember. Okay, so I actually wrote a resignation letter to my children. I had such a bad week, I don't know, you know, they just, they needed, I was homeschooling them.

something I don't know what season it was but they needed something for church. I don't remember if it was some costumes or whatever. They needed a ride here, a ride there, the food for this and food for their friends and I've you know and I felt like I wasn't being appreciated and I don't know maybe some hormones were going on. I don't really know but I was poor me so I wrote I think it was four pages long. I cleared this with my husband four page long resignation letter. I said I'm done doing this. You're responsible for your food getting yourself to all your activities.

This that neither another youngest one we were still gonna get her to dance and all that but you know I just told him I said I'm never appreciated. I've never appreciated well You know it startled them and it hit home rather quickly But the interesting thing about it was as I was bemoaning this and praying and you know God changed their hearts They're so unappreciative. What I don't know. It's almost like a bolt of lightning. I really felt like God said, you know this is how I feel sometimes and from the moment

Becky Harling (05:37.061)
Mmm.

Julie Lavender (05:38.979)
That thought hit me. I was like, oh my goodness, all I do is ask God for more. Ask him for this help, ask him for this strength. Now I'm pretty good about trying to praise God, but I wasn't always grateful. So it hit pretty hard and I apologized to the kids. They apologized, we did some regrouping. But I still laugh every now and then. I'll tell them, I said, don't make me pull out that resignation letter again.

Becky Harling (06:03.954)
Ha ha!

Julie Lavender (06:05.659)
But, you know, moms are really burned out. I don't know if it's social media, and I love my social media. I love being able to connect with friends on Facebook and other places, Facebook, I guess that shows how old we are because they say the younger ones like. But, you know, I love that. I love that ability. I love that capability. But there's so much comparison going on now because we see what looks like just the great things that are happening in everybody else's life. And meanwhile, I'm having a kitchen fiasco and everybody else is having a marvelous life. We're just...

Becky Harling (06:24.138)
Mm-hmm.

Julie Lavender (06:34.251)
We're rushed, there's so much pressure to compete, to succeed, to do this, to do that. We're burned out, we're tired. I don't know an answer, I'm not saying I know an answer, but I know we are tired, we're weary.

Becky Harling (06:43.848)
Mm-hmm.

Sarah Wildman (06:48.302)
Yeah, totally.

Becky Harling (06:48.943)
Yeah, I so agree with you, Julie. It was interesting. So two of my daughters, they have their two sons are in the same class in school. So they're both second grade. And my one daughter called me and said, oh my word, I just found out from the other daughter.

that they have to dress up like they're Greeks today in a yoga, you know, in a toga. So she's like racing to Target to get a white sheet and then neither of them had safety pins or even chip clips, you know? And I'm just thinking, you know, these moms are under so much pressure and both of them have other children. This is not the only child. So they're. Yeah. And so they're trying to get their kids to.

Julie Lavender (07:26.607)
That's right.

Julie Lavender (07:30.607)
That's just one, they're trying to take care of that need. Yes.

Becky Harling (07:36.527)
you know, doctor's appointments, dance, soccer, and all these things. And I think you're correct about social media because that's an added pressure, Julie, that you and I didn't have when we were raising our kids. That's a new thing. But that's up the ante even more because now moms are like, well, why can she do all that? And I can't, you know? And as a result, we have some really tired moms. So when weariness sets in.

Julie Lavender (07:52.163)
That's right.

Julie Lavender (07:59.907)
Right.

Becky Harling (08:06.435)
What has helped you personally to focus on God's strength rather than your own?

Julie Lavender (08:12.739)
Well, I've never considered myself a very brave person. And so there's a lot of times that I feel like that comes easy for me. And I say that, but at the same time, I realize my patterns are, I get frustrated. Sometimes I never know if the tears are gonna come first or the anger is gonna come first. And all this other stuff comes first. And then I'm like, oh, why don't I pray about this? And so, you know, I...

But I am very quick to lean on him because I don't feel like I've never been a brave person. And so even with the children I would tell them things like if it was certain things I was giving them instructions on, I said, you know what? I'm doing what I believe God wants me to do for you, what I believe is best for you because of what God has revealed to me through the Bible. If you've got a problem with this restriction, with this rule, with this whatever, take it up with God.

I could get away with that for a lot of times. They didn't do the eye rolling or the door slamming or whatever because when I put it in that perspective, and I had really good kids, but when I put it in that perspective, they saw me relying on God and realized, okay, she's made this rule for my best, even if I don't like it. And that worked a lot, but it didn't always help. But I do, I just feel like I can't do this without the Lord. And so I say it comes easy to me. That doesn't mean

Life is easy, but it comes easy to cry out to him. And there are times that I'm just like, Jesus, I don't even know what to ask for right now, but please help. That's all I could think of to say sometimes.

Becky Harling (09:52.025)
Mmm.

Sarah Wildman (09:52.174)
Please help. It's one of my favorite prayers, Julie. Really. Yes, yes. In fact, I was during a stressful work call yesterday and I, aloud, was just like, please Lord, help us with this. And then I moved. I mean, it's a sincere thing and so good. No shame in that. So thinking back, I love the resignation letter example. Thank you for sharing that with us. I wonder now that you have the perspective.

Julie Lavender (09:55.799)
Yeah, and mine too. It happens often.

Becky Harling (09:56.335)
Hahaha

Sarah Wildman (10:21.738)
and you look at your walk with the Lord with all of that, were there some, I want to say warning signs that maybe you could have picked up on sooner? Maybe with your connection with the Lord, it wasn't quite where it needed to be that I'm just thinking about the fact that there's probably things before burnout that we can address. Would you mind speaking about that?

Julie Lavender (10:41.263)
I think you're right and I know in my case, the busier I get, certain things get pushed to the side. It might be my Bible reading because I think I can catch up on that later, but this project has to be done right now. My prayer time, when the kids were little,

and I would either have my prayer time in the house or on the front porch when they got a little bit older. Now I have the luxury of doing just my own prayer walks, but there would be times when I'd push that to the side and I'd think, I can catch up on that later. I can't leave the children, I have to do this. So there were things where I was moving away from the Lord. He never moved, he was right there the whole time and he was the one holding me up. Meanwhile, I'm just brushing him aside and he's the one holding me up through the whole thing.

And when I don't go ahead and share, so when I drift away from him, that's the worst possible thing I could do. And that seems to be what happens first. And then I don't share those things with the children. I let it build up. I let it build up inside. And then when I finally, when the final straw that breaks the camel's back, which is probably something very minor, but then that's when I decide I need to resign. I should have done better.

Becky Harling (12:04.679)
with.

Julie Lavender (12:05.927)
at expressing little things along. My husband's great, but he was probably busy with his career and didn't totally realize what was going on. I should have done a better job of asking for help from him. Being the stay at home mom, I thought I could do it all on my own. And I didn't want to bother him. In my mind, it was, he has a job. I don't have a job. That was my mindset, even though being a homeschooling stay at home mom, that's a full-time job and it's an admirable one. But whether I was working outside the home or not, you know,

Becky Harling (12:29.482)
Seriously.

Sarah Wildman (12:30.274)
Yes.

Julie Lavender (12:34.875)
He wanted to help, but yet I just never even asked him. So I think a lot of drifting away from the Lord, not sharing my feelings right away, and not asking for help. I think sometimes we don't ask for help because we think that's gonna make us not look strong or look like a failure. When in reality, that's exactly what we need to be doing.

Sarah Wildman (12:38.648)
Mm.

Sarah Wildman (12:53.986)
Mm-hmm.

Becky Harling (12:54.499)
Yeah, you know, time with the Lord is essential, as is asking for help and just practicing some really good self-care when the seasons of motherhood are just stressful. And they are sometimes. I mean, I think so many of our listeners are managing, like Sarah,

raising kids, working and trying to keep all the balls in the air. And it is stressful and it can leave you really tired and weary. And so tell us a little bit about how the book is set up. Uh, strength for all seasons.

Julie Lavender (13:35.379)
It has a story at the beginning, an antidote, like most, like a lot of devotionals do. And so it has that story related to a particular verse. We tried, they really, Penguin Random House wanted me to specifically pick out some very strong, very strong, very strong verses about strength, very powerful verses about strength. And then I built the devotion around that.

Becky Harling (13:56.333)
Hahaha

Julie Lavender (14:03.795)
So it has an anecdote at the front, and then of course an application. And then there's three reflection questions to kind of help us think about, to put that into our own lives, because it might be a very specific personal story that happened to me or a friend, but yet then reflection questions to help us relate it to our own life. And then a prayer at the end that will hopefully bring us closer to the Lord. It's very short, just two pages for each one. And so...

You know, not that we want to shorten our time with the Lord, but when, and obviously reading His Word is the best, but when we're short on time, just hopefully, maybe even a five minute, it might be all it takes. And there's 52, so it's weekly. You know, you might even only get through a paragraph a day for that week, you know, a paragraph a day and then a reflection question one day and a reflection question, you know, so you could stretch it out even for the whole week, because I've never wanted to add one more thing to a mama's plate, because I knew...

Becky Harling (14:53.487)
Hmm.

Sarah Wildman (14:55.342)
Mm-hmm.

Julie Lavender (15:00.419)
You know, sometimes mine were so full, I thought it would just crumble if somebody put something else on there. But that time with the Lord is so crucial. Whether we have to get up earlier to do it, stay up later, catch it during nap time. You know, sometimes some of the best times were if I made sure I did my time with the Lord, the minute I got that child down for a nap time before I started some of my other projects. And I wasn't always good with that. I would say...

Becky Harling (15:08.731)
Hmm.

Julie Lavender (15:27.147)
Got to get that roast in the oven or whatever. I was in such a hurry to do so. It's hard, it's a hard season. I don't profess to know the answers. I still don't even at this point. Sometimes it's a day to day thing and it changes daily. But I think the importance is just relying on him and hanging on to his strength to know. And there are times I wanted him to get me through this whole season, three or four months of whatever, if my husband was deployed or whatever, when in reality I should have been asking, God, I just need your strength for today.

Sarah Wildman (15:31.534)
Hmm.

Julie Lavender (15:55.907)
We'll start over again tomorrow, but right now I just need it for today. And there were times when I'm like, oh dear God, will you please get me through this next hour and I'll be grateful, you know, so.

Becky Harling (15:56.544)
Mm.

Sarah Wildman (16:05.214)
Yeah, right. Right. Becky, I promise I'll get back onto some of our questions, but I have one other one that popped into my head with Julie. So as you're studying all of these strong scriptures about strength, what popped out to you that was maybe new? I know you're familiar with scripture before that, but did anything kind of rise to the top as you were looking at all those scriptures?

Becky Harling (16:10.903)
That's fine.

Becky Harling (16:21.586)
Mm.

Julie Lavender (16:27.632)
Well, as I was doing it, because one of my favorites has always been be strong and be courageous, which there's so many references to that. And I knew there were more than a couple of references to it, but I didn't know how many. And I just started noticing how often God told them that. And I kept thinking, you know, why do they need to be told this over and over again? That was refreshing to me because it...

Sarah Wildman (16:33.507)
Sure.

Sarah Wildman (16:42.37)
Mm-hmm.

Julie Lavender (16:52.887)
If the Israelites were with him right there with him, if he had to keep telling them over and over again, then when I come bemoaning to him yet again, I don't have to feel bad about that. I can know that I need that reassurance every single day. I loved finally be strong, Ephesians 6, 10, be strong in the Lord and then the strength of his might.

It's his strength. I think that's what I don't think it. I think it took this whole book to register. It is his strength. I'm never going to be strong. I think I would pray things that would help me be braver, help me be stronger, help me have better self-esteem so that I can be more confident. And I think I was praying all the wrong things. I just should have been saying, help me rely on your strength. It's your strength. That's the only way I'm going to get through. You're the...

Sarah Wildman (17:31.723)
Mmm.

Becky Harling (17:34.267)
Mmm.

Julie Lavender (17:50.027)
It's your power, it's your might. And let me lean into that to accomplish this job. It's not about me growing in strength, it is. I don't really wanna say that wrong. Because I hope I'm stronger after having written the book. But the main point is it is his strength. I'm never going to be able to accomplish this. You know what? Because if I get too strong, then why would I need him? So it's never, I'm never gonna be, I never should.

want to be strong enough to accomplish this on my own. I've got to keep leaning into him so that I will grab onto him every single day with whatever new kitchen fiasco I have for that day. It's going on since May, can you tell this is a problem? So every single day I've got to ask him to help me get through that next thing.

Becky Harling (18:21.492)
Mm.

Sarah Wildman (18:21.495)
Mm.

Becky Harling (18:40.495)
You know, as I'm thinking about this, Julie, um, God has all strength, right? He's all powerful. And yet going back a few minutes where you commented about the day that you wrote the resignation letter and God said, I have felt that way too. I love the empathy of God in that, you know, because we always think, well, God's strong all the time and he doesn't need me to say thank you, but

Sarah Wildman (18:41.422)
I love that.

Becky Harling (19:08.115)
He's a personal being, you know, and I love how we have a God who can empathize with us when it's all falling apart. And you must have had a lot of those times because your husband was in the military. So I'm assuming he deployed sometimes while you're in the middle of homeschooling for children, you know, what was that like for you?

Julie Lavender (19:10.233)
Right.

Julie Lavender (19:18.091)
Exactly.

Julie Lavender (19:29.955)
That's exactly right.

It was very hard because I did not have any kind of a military background. And so after we both finished our masters, uh, when he decided to join the Navy, um, you know, I would, I moved away from the only home I'd ever known. I didn't have a support system. I didn't have anybody around. I met friends quickly, but I didn't, didn't have anyone. And then he would deploy often. And, um, he really, the most, the lengthiest one was the, uh, the Gulf War. So he was gone for over six months.

Becky Harling (19:48.039)
Hmm.

Becky Harling (20:02.215)
Hmm

Julie Lavender (20:02.715)
His job as a medical entomologist, he didn't go for like a lot of my friends, six months, 18 months, a year out of every three years, but he would be gone two weeks here, three weeks here, three months here, a month here. So it was constant. It was a lot of traveling. And, you know, because I leaned so much on David and he was my support system and I didn't have others there, I had to lean on the Lord, especially at the beginning of a new, half the time we would move to a new place and he'd leave the next day to go off.

Becky Harling (20:12.766)
Mm-hmm.

Becky Harling (20:32.219)
Mmm.

Julie Lavender (20:32.427)
somewhere and I'd be there not knowing even a soul. So that really, I felt like drew me closer to the Lord, just knowing I had to depend on him. You know, and I didn't really wanna, I didn't want him to join the military. I thought, oh, I don't wanna leave my home. It was a blessed and wonderful experience for us. And I don't know if I would have learned that without, because I did have so much support here, my whole family, his whole family, friends that we'd grown up with.

I don't know if I would have learned to lean on the Lord quite as much. You know, He took me away from here and plopped me in places where I didn't know a soul. And I, you know, it was... He should have been my first and foremost, but I was like, okay, well, I don't know anybody. I've got to turn to the Lord. And it just really drew me closer to Him and helped me know this is my ultimate strength. This is my stronghold right here.

Sarah Wildman (21:10.766)
Hmm.

Becky Harling (21:16.442)
Hmm.

Becky Harling (21:23.357)
Mm.

Sarah Wildman (21:23.362)
Wow. So we're going to talk about maybe different seasons of motherhood next up here, Julie. Thinking back to when your kiddos were diaper wearing toddlers, I know that was a while ago, but would you mind sharing some times that you relied on God's strength during that very short but intense season of motherhood?

Julie Lavender (21:47.179)
you know, from day to day, from changing endless diapers or whether it was, you know, figuring out if one was picky and they wouldn't eat this or whatever. So those were little things that, you know, I felt like I remembered to try to pray to him about. But there were also several instances like my third child because I had one that had pneumonia and we had to have a hospital stay and we had to figure out what to do with the kids and one that had...

Becky Harling (22:08.819)
Thanks for watching.

Julie Lavender (22:12.647)
a bad case of bronchitis. I had a kidney stone one time, like less than a month after we had moved into a place. I wound up with my first and only, thank you Jesus, kidney stone and basically left the kids with a woman across the street that I thought I could trust her. I'd only met her a couple of times, but I mean, and then drove myself to the hospital, which was nutty. I mean, it was crazy. So there were so many times when I just felt like God is my only source here, but one of the ones I remember specifically, my third child,

He started crying during bath time and he was holding his leg funny and I thought he must have twisted his leg or something like that. Well, he woke up. He woke me up during the middle and then he started throwing up. So I thought, well, he's got a bug. That was the whole problem. But at like two or three in the morning, I went to get his blankie out of the dryer. And when I leaned over with him, he cried out in pain. And so I could tell, oh, something's hurting. It was like the Holy Spirit said, OK, check his diaper again. Well, when I unzipped his onesie, he had like a

It was probably the size of an orange bulge in his lower abdomen. Well, it turned out it was a testicular torsion. So at three in the morning, we're waking up all the kids, because at this point, I don't think we knew anybody there either, and drove to the hospital, and it turned out to be a very quick surgery. But God just led me through that. It was like, I am convinced that, oh, it can just bring tears to my eyes, but he whispered to me,

Becky Harling (23:18.14)
Hmm.

Julie Lavender (23:42.295)
I think I'd already changed this diaper. Check it again or something. It was just, I felt like I needed to check something. And they said it was, you know, it needed to be, happen fast or the blood vessels or whatever was gonna be damaged permanently. I don't know. But little things like that, we're driving to try to get to Washington DC to Walter Reed Hospital in the middle of the night. And then they eventually put us in an ambulance. And I don't know how people go through all the little things from changing a million diapers.

Becky Harling (23:52.103)
Mm-hmm.

Julie Lavender (24:09.871)
to a panic like that without having the Lord to lean on. Had everything turned out differently, God would have still been good, He would have still been there, but I knew He had good plans for me, for my son, for whatever, and I knew I just needed to lean into Him for whatever the result was. But yes, there were so many times that I just knew I had to just lean on Him. I didn't know where else to turn and what else to do.

Becky Harling (24:39.815)
You know, I'm thinking about all of this, Julie, and I think sometimes when we look ahead, we think, oh, I'm not gonna be able to face that or this or whatever. But then when we look back, we can see, hey, God was really faithful to me then, and he gave me the strength I needed to get through those times, you know? And as I think about that, you know, what would you say about relying on God's strength?

When your kids are teenagers, I mean, for a lot of moms, they really are nervous about that season. They're anxious about it. And some of them may be in it and feeling like, I don't know what in the world I'm doing, you know? And so what would you say about relying on God's strength then?

Julie Lavender (25:27.255)
You know, I think that's even, you know, the challenges, I don't wanna diminish any of the challenges, but you know, in looking back, then when you get to that point, you think, boy, those a million diapers a day were a cinch compared to this, you know. It's easy to put a bandaid on a knee, but it's harder to put one on a teenager's heart, you know, when they've been hurt by a friend or a middle schooler has been hurt by a, you know, a crush or whatever, I don't know. But so that to me,

Sarah Wildman (25:29.578)
on this.

Becky Harling (25:47.763)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Julie Lavender (25:55.499)
was extremely hard and I know for us, in addition to trying to keep them in the Word, keeping them in regular prayer time, letting them know we were praying for them, one thing that was huge for us was having them involved in our church. We were so immersed in our church that there were a lot of times when someone else could speak into their lives. You know, because mom and dad...

Becky Harling (26:15.243)
Hmm...

Julie Lavender (26:24.351)
I don't know, sometimes, and my kids are really good, so I do make a lot of jokes, but they're really good. You know, there were a lot of times, suddenly when my children got to be in middle school, mom and dad were idiots. I don't know what happened to us overnight, but we kind of became idiots. They never used that word, but we just became not so smart. And so one time I remember my daughter, my older daughter.

telling me something that her Sunday school teacher had said. Well, it just so happens she has the same name. Her name is Julie, but I graduated with her from high school, so I knew her well. She came home and told me almost verbatim something that I had said, you know, not that long ago. And, but you know, it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. And it was like, and you know, there was just a little twinge of jealousy because I wanted, you know, I wanted to be the one that my daughter remembered me saying that.

Sarah Wildman (27:00.288)
Ha!

Julie Lavender (27:13.155)
But then later I saw this other friend Julie and I said, thank you for being there for my daughter, for being her high school Sunday school teacher, because I had said those very words, but they don't always resonate from the parent. And so to hear it from someone else that she really thought a lot of and who that person invested in her life every Sunday and every Wednesday night for youth groups. So having that support system, I think just

changed the outcome of our children. Just so keeping them involved in with other families, whether it's a homeschooling group, with other families, with neighbors, friends, family members, church members who support your beliefs and will guide them so that then eventually your children can look back and think, you know what, they did know what they were talking about and they appreciate and they've been very thankful and they've thanked us for our parenting and that sort of thing. But...

Sarah Wildman (28:04.243)
Oh no.

Julie Lavender (28:08.247)
Boy, I needed reinforcements. I needed the Lord then when they were teenagers, but I needed reinforcements. My youngest of the four, she was a dancer all through high school and helped teach in college. So she was a little bit more dramatic and high maintenance than the rest of them. I can distinctly remember, she was probably was only nine or 10. And she started what seemed like there was going to be some hormonal issues, just a little bit of an attitude and all this kind of stuff that my older daughter didn't do till she was way into her teens. And I remember telling her, I said, listen,

God only gives you a certain amount of hormones. If you use them up right now, you will have none left when you're a teenager. So you cannot treat me like Jennifer did. You cannot, there will be no eye rolling. You can't, there'll be no sass. If you use them up, they're gone. Well, the thing that she was a very bright kid, but you know, at the same time, she kind of believed me. And then later she said, yeah, that's not really true. But so yes, I really needed the Lord, but I needed a support system. I had to have it. I think.

Becky Harling (29:00.956)
That is a great story.

Sarah Wildman (29:05.24)
Yeah.

Julie Lavender (29:07.467)
Whether it's just a few or a whole large handful at the church, I think we need that support system then more than ever.

Sarah Wildman (29:12.341)
Mm-hmm.

Becky Harling (29:15.375)
You know, before, Sarah, you go to the next question, I love that you said that, Julie. I know for us with our kids too, it was really important to us that our kids were deeply involved in church. And I know that can be challenging for parents. You know, our kids were all in sports and, you know, I know the whole sporting thing and now my grandkids are involved in sports.

their parents are still saying, okay, you can put on your soccer uniform and come to church first, and then you can head out to the tournament or whatever. But you have that system then. And, you know, when our kids were teens, we had probably four or five parents, we were all on the same page. So we all prayed for each other's kids, you know, and we stayed in close touch. And you need that community during the teen years because you're exactly right, you know.

Julie Lavender (29:48.175)
Bye.

Becky Harling (30:10.963)
Uh, you, you need that social system to support you. Yeah.

Sarah Wildman (30:14.21)
Hmm.

Julie Lavender (30:14.487)
right, and others praying. I guess I haven't said that much about them. I've talked about me praying an awful lot, but to know that others are praying for your children, that's huge, that is huge.

Becky Harling (30:25.899)
Yeah.

Sarah Wildman (30:26.806)
Oh my goodness. Well, you're letting us hop through all of these intense seasons in your life, Julie. So we'll hop to the one you're in now, I guess. And that's relying on God's strength during an empty nest, right? I mean, here you've poured yourself into your children's lives and then all of a sudden you've launched them, which is the goal, I think, right? But I don't understand that transition. I'm years away from that.

Julie Lavender (30:48.163)
That's right.

Sarah Wildman (30:53.814)
Would you mind talking about how you've relied on God's strength in this new season you're

Julie Lavender (30:58.571)
That's been very hard for me because of just being so involved with the kids and then homeschooling them and being involved because I volunteered with the youth a lot while they were in youth. So that was very hard for me and they have launched and you know there are a lot of times I thought, okay, so I homeschooled you, I gave up my life for you. I thought you'd move no more than like just maybe a mile away from me. But but one works in Savannah, although he still lives local and that's an hour away.

One is in Raleigh, North Carolina. That's about six and a half hours away. One's in Chattanooga, Tennessee. That's another five something, and they're all different directions. And then one's in North Georgia, four and a half hours away. And so, but it has been hard for me. I have, I still enjoy my writing. I do an awful lot of that. I enjoy cooking and baking, but it has been a hard season and it's made me, I feel like turn to the Lord even more because when you're surrounded by children, there are times you think.

Sarah Wildman (31:36.043)
Yeah.

Julie Lavender (31:56.843)
I just, will somebody please send me to time out just for 20 minutes so I can be alone. And I never really meant that, but now I am alone. You know, it's like constant time out right now, but not really, but. And so it's given me even more time to spend with him. When I walk and do my prayer time, I just, I feel like it's been a time to draw even closer to him. And we've laughed about prayer for our children, and I've joked about toddler's time and joked about teenagers.

Sarah Wildman (32:07.146)
Yeah.

Julie Lavender (32:26.199)
But you know what? Sometimes I feel like I pray even more for them now as adults. You know, you get this mindset when they're out of your house and on their own, you know, your worries are over, although as a mom, I don't think they ever are, but I think now I pray for more often, you know, when one has to change jobs or when they're trying to figure out daycare for the grandson or, you know, the two boys aren't married, the two girls are, and there are times that I say, God,

Becky Harling (32:29.747)
Mm-hmm.

Sarah Wildman (32:32.203)
that.

Julie Lavender (32:54.547)
You know they're still not married, right? You're working on that. You know, so it's just, I feel like I'm in more constant prayer now. You know, please take care of my adult children. So there's never a time we don't need him. I am figuring that out. Why I didn't think I'd, why I thought I didn't know that to begin with, but there is never a time we don't need him. You know, from little things, if my...

Sarah Wildman (33:03.827)
Uh huh.

Sarah Wildman (33:09.672)
Amen.

Becky Harling (33:16.502)
Hmm.

Julie Lavender (33:19.659)
One of my daughter's shares that a friend hurt her feelings. You know, I thought that drama would end when they got out of high school, but there's never a time when I don't need his strength. I just can't do this on my.

Becky Harling (33:32.251)
Yeah, you are so right, Julie. I have discovered that in my own life, you know, and the prayer, it becomes more continual because the problems get perhaps a little bigger when they're adults. Sarah, why don't you close us out in prayer? Because we're just about out of time here, but Julie, thank you. You're always a delight.

Sarah Wildman (33:32.526)
Right.

Julie Lavender (33:46.856)
I think so.

Julie Lavender (33:57.475)
I have had a blast. Thank you so much for having me. This has been wonderful.

Sarah Wildman (34:01.462)
Well, and I just love that theme, Julie, you've already taught me from this about the fact that it's not just a goal of just being strong, like He's always our strength. And so I'm taking that away as a huge lesson. So thanks for sharing that with us. I know that was a journey to get there. So thank you for sharing it with us. And yes, I'd love to pray for our listeners as we close. Heavenly Father, we are so thankful for your strength, Lord. We know that we can't do anything.

without your strength and Lord forgive us for the times that we think we can. So often we can try to do it in our own strength and Lord help us to remember that you are the source of all strength, that you are patient and kind and willing to help us in every time of need Lord. Thank you for these moms and grandmas and friends of moms who are listening and for the influence they have on children and adult children. Father we ask that you would

Make yourself known in circumstances where your strength really is all that we need. And Lord, we just ask that you'd remind us to rely on you for all those things. Father, thank you for this book that Julie's written. I just ask that you would use it to remind so many people that you are our source of strength. It's in your name we pray.

Becky Harling (35:26.683)
Hey friends, I want to remind you that we are standing on the brink of a new year. And this is a great book for you to purchase and begin your new year. Cause it's got 52 weeks of prayers for you. And, um, it's a 52 week devotional, right Julie? Um, so there are 52 weeks in every year. This, you are going to need strength in this new year. And so why not pick up this book?

Sarah Wildman (35:34.348)
Mmm.

Julie Lavender (35:43.489)
Yes.

Sarah Wildman (35:44.494)
Cool.

Becky Harling (35:54.303)
order it, you can order it wherever books are sold, and really dive in. I love that Julie made it short, so it's very manageable for you. So thanks for joining us today on the Connected Mom podcast, and we hope that you're gonna join us again next week, where we'll have another conversation that will help you to connect more deeply with God, more empathically with your fellow moms, and more intentionally with your child. We'll talk with you next week.